I sat with a friend in dismay recently.
She shared her sadness with me.
She told me that she’s feeling purposeless, that she’s not “doing enough,” and feels that this is stripping away her self-worth.
It is a common human dilemma, this feeling of un-worthy-ness. As if our worth depends upon our proving our value to the right people at the right time.
I know this dilemma well.
“If only he loved me/chose me, I would be worthy/happy.” “If only I had that dream job, I would be worthy/happy.” “If only I made xxx amount of money, I would be worthy/happy.” “If only, if only, if only…”
The yogic teachings tell us that wanting anything to be different leads to suffering. Anything at all. I take this lightly.
I think there is a balance to be had between accepting ourselves and desiring to better ourselves.
Any lingering niggle to change something can be a gentle nudge into a better, more fulfilling solution, situation, relationship, job and life.
My wise step-mother, JoAnn, used to call this “Divine Discontent." It is that nagging feeling that “something more is possible.” It is Divine Discontent that drives us forward to push past our perceived limits and bring innovative ideas forth into reality.
It may be that humans will always feel a touch of discontent. Throughout the ages, this is what spurred us on to make life easier for ourselves and for those we care for. Better tools for cracking open our food, better systems for caring for our children, a better, more fulfilling career to support our talents. Complacency and stagnation are, for most of us, unacceptable ports to dwell within.
It is sad to not feel “good enough” in the world. But wouldn’t it be sad also to not use our very useful tool of imagination to imagine a more satisfying world for ourselves and set about creating that?
So with compassion and tenderness, maybe we nod in acknowledgment of this common human theme of unworthiness, then put down that 100 lb sack of pressure we’ve placed on our own shoulders to “have more” and “be more," and instead listen to our heart's desires to do that which thrills and fulfills us. Especially those daring dreams knock, knock, knocking on the inside of our brilliant minds. Do it!
Perhaps we really can make unworthiness our bitch, alchemize sadness into inspiration, discover the motivation within the struggle and shamelessly use our discontent as fodder for self-development and refinement.
Discontent can be divine. It propels us forward into greater and greater expressions of ourselves.
You are worth that.
In love and high value,
Heidi Michelle